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Divorce and Remarriage
As the rate of divorces increases so do the number of
remarriages, and this increase of divorce and remarriage has even affected our
conservative churches. Since this issue is so prevalent in our churches today,
it would be good to consult the Bible and find out what God has to say about
divorce and remarriage.
There are several Scriptures that deal with this subject.
These verses are: Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-9; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18; Romans
7:1-3; and I Corinthians 7:10-11, 39.
Let's look at these verses and see if God condones divorce and
remarriage and if there are any exceptions that allow us to break the marriage
contract. Turn to Romans 7:2-3: "For the woman which hath an husband is BOUND BY
THE LAW [OF GOD, NOT MAN] to her husband SO LONG AS HE LIVETH; but IF her
husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, WHILE
HER HUSBAND LIVETH, she be married to another man, she shall be CALLED AN
ADULTERESS: but IF her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she
is no adulteress, though she be married to another man." Anyone who is married a
SECOND TIME (or more) while there is a LIVING PARTNER is STILL BOUND BY GOD'S
LAW TO THE FIRST PARTNER. The laws of the land may say that a woman is no longer
bound to her first partner, but GOD says that she is and it is God's Word that
counts. Although God can and does forgive the adulterers and adulteresses (if
they ask Him to do so), God says that they are still BOUND BY THE LAW until
death parts them. In conjunction with this is I Corinthians 7:39: "The wife is
BOUND BY THE LAW AS LONG AS HER HUSBAND LIVETH; but if her husband be dead, she
is AT LIBERTY to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." The ONLY
EXCEPTION listed here is when a partner dies. Then, AND ONLY THEN, is a person
allowed to remarry and this person is commanded to be remarried to another
Christian. This passage also states that if a woman marries another man while
her first partner is still living, she is an adulteress. This, of course, also
goes for the man who remarries and we are told numerous places in God's Word
that those who commit adultery cannot enter heaven in an unforgiven condition
(Galatians 5:19-21; I Corinthians 6:9; Hebrews 13:4; Malachi 3:5; Matthew 15:19;
Mark 7:21).
Now, let's turn back to Mark 10:2-12. The Pharisees came to
Jesus and asked Him if it were lawful to put away one's wife. They told Jesus
that Moses allowed a "bill of divorcement." What did Jesus answer? "For the
HARDNESS OF YOUR HEART he [Moses] wrote you this precept, BUT FROM THE BEGINNING
of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave
his father and mother; and cleave to his wife; And they twain SHALL BE ONE
FLESH: so then they are no longer twain, but one flesh. . . . And if a woman
shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she COMMITTETH ADULTERY."
Here we see that even though Moses did permit people to write bills of
divorcement, FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE CREATION it WAS NOT God's intention and
precept. Moses allowed the bills of divorcement, not because God said it was
okay, but because of the REBELLIOUSNESS of the people. God NEVER intended for
this to be. Jesus states in Matthew 5:31-32: "It Hath been said, Whosoever shall
put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: BUT I SAY unto you
[NOTICE: Jesus is saying this!], That WHOSOEVER shall put away his wife, saving
for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and WHOSOEVER
shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:9 give us what is called the
"exception clause"--"saving for the cause of fornication." In Matthew 19:9 Jesus
says: "And I say unto you, WHOSOEVER shall put away his wife, EXCEPT it be for
fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whose marrieth
her which is put away doth commit adultery." This is the verse that many people
TRY to use to condone what is referred to as "the innocent party" divorce and
remarriage. However, this IS NOT the "exception clause" that many would like it
to be. This "exception" is only written in the book of Matthew. There is a VERY
GOOD and IMPORTANT reason for this. You see, the book of Matthew was written to
the Jews and the Jewish custom was different from some other customs. When Mark
writes about this same situation he DOES NOT mention this so-called "exception
clause." First of all, we must understand that there is a DIFFERENCE between
"adultery" and "fornication." "Adultery" is sexual relations between two MARRIED
people (other than husband and wife). "Fornication" is sexual relations between
two UNMARRIED people. If a married man has relations with an unmarried woman
then the man has committed "adultery," but the woman has committed
"fornication."
Now, notice what Jesus says in Matthew: "And I say unto you,
WHOSOEVER shall put away his WIFE, EXCEPT it be for FORNICATION . . ." If
"fornication" is relations between unmarried people then why does Matthew
mention "wife" and "fornication" together? Simply because the Jewish people had
a special custom. (This custom is still practiced in some Eastern places today!)
The wedding actually had a TWO-PART ceremony. When a boyfriend and girlfriend
decided that they were for each other, the FIRST STAGE of the "wedding" (or the
engagement) was held. The friends and relatives were called together for an
engagement ceremony that was witnessed just like a wedding ceremony. Everyone
knew that from this time on, this boy and girl were meant for each other, but
they were to still remain pure UNTIL they had gone through the SECOND PHASE of
the wedding. If, DURING THIS "ENGAGEMENT" TIME, either one found out that the
other one had been unfaithful (committed fornication), a "bill of divorcement"
was allowed to be written. To help prove this we find that Matthew (who was
writing to the Jews) stated this about Joseph and Mary: "Now the birth of Jesus
Christ was on this wise: When as His mother Mary was ESPOUSED [engaged] to
Joseph, BEFORE THEY CAME TOGETHER [before they were married and had relations],
she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph HER HUSBAND, being a
just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her
away privily [write a "bill of divorcement"]. But while he thought on these
things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying
Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy WIFE: for that
which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son,
and thou shalt call His name JESUS: for He shall save His people from their
sins. Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the
Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall
bring forth a son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel, which being
interpreted is, God with us. Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the
angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him HIS WIFE: And knew her not
[did not have any relations with her] till she had brought forth her firstborn
son: and he called His name JESUS" (Matthew 1:18-25). The Greek word for
"espoused" is "mnesteuo" and means "to be promised in marriage" or "to be
betrothed" so we can see that Mary and Joseph were only ENGAGED and yet under
the Jewish custom they were considered as HUSBAND and WIFE even BEFORE they had
any relations.
This type of situation is what is referred to in Matthew 19.
If during the engagement period the man or the woman found out that his or her
partner had been unfaithful to him, that man or woman could have a "bill of
divorcement" written and would then be free to marry another person. This "bill
of divorcement," however, was only to be written BEFORE the SECOND PHASE of the
wedding ceremony took place.
This verse in Matthew CANNOT possibly be an "exception" for a
divorce and remarriage situation simply because once ANYONE is married, any
relations outside of their marriage is considered ADULTERY since both parties
are married. Matthew SPECIFICALLY stated that this "bill of divorcement" could
ONLY be for the cause of "fornication" and "fornication" can only be committed
before a person marries for the first time. If we understood more of the Jewish
laws and customs we would have less problems in the church today.
I would also like to add here that those who believe that
once a couple becomes engaged that they are free to have relations certainly
won't find any scriptural proof to back up their claim. A couple should never
have any relations UNTIL after the wedding ceremony has taken place.
When did this theory that the innocent party was free to
divorce and remarry start? This "exception clause" was not endorsed until 1519
when Erasmus gave his view of I Corinthians. The Protestant Reformers then
adopted this view but for OVER 1500 years after Christ this theory was not
taught. So, this "exception clause" is less than 470 years old but many in the
church have been looking for a "loophole" or an excuse to remarry and so
Erasmus' postulation is gladly accepted.
Many people will respond that it isn't fair for them to remain
single when their partner was unfaithful. After all, they were the INNOCENT
party. As the old saying goes, there are two sides to every story. Did the
innocent party do anything to cause his or her partner to cheat? If so, that
person is not completely innocent. Even if this party is completely innocent,
however, it is still not right for a remarriage. After all, we live in an
imperfect and sinful world and there are many innocent people who suffer.
Children in a drunkard's home are innocent parties but do they have a chance to
select different parents? When a drunk driver hits a family on the way to church
and cripples a child, the innocent person is the sufferer but that child doesn't
get a second chance. So, what makes you think that a poor marriage is an excuse
for a second chance? Remember, you are responsible for your decisions and after
all, you did make the decision to marry the one you married. Did you not make
the vow: "For better or WORSE . . ?" You promised to stand by your partner in
sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse. You at least had
a choice in your marriage partner but the children raised in drunkards' homes
did not have a choice of parents. If these poor children don't get a second
chance, why do you insist that you should have a second chance because you did
not know the person you married was like he or she was? That uncertainty went
into the wedding vow "for better or worse."
There will be those who will say: "My partner cheated on me so
I prayed and fasted about remarrying and I felt that God has given me the okay."
There are some things wrong with this objection. First of all, God has already
said in His Word that divorce and remarriage is wrong so why would He change His
mind for your situations Secondly, there is no need to fast and pray about
something that God has said "no" to. All your fasting and praying will not
change God's Word for it is forever "settled in heaven" (Psalm 119:89). Thirdly,
you may feel that God has given you the go ahead but if you study His Word you
will find that God DID NOT give you the okay for remarriage. You either had a
FALSE IMPRESSION of God sanctioning your remarriage or you were led astray by
accepting Satan's advice as God's voice. Satan does come as an "angel of light"
(II Corinthians 11:14) and when Satan's advice agrees with your fleshly desires,
it is easy for you to feel (and even believe) that God told you or that you were
led of God to do it. God, however, will never lead you to do something CONTRARY
to His will and His Word.
One missionary woman fasted and prayed about marrying a
divorced missionary man, but she never received an answer directly from God. The
Bible tells us why: "Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may
consume it upon your lusts" (James 4:3). God has already given His view of
divorce and remarriage in His Word and there is no need for Him to even answer
your prayer and fasting because "ye ask amiss." This woman did eventually marry
the divorced missionary because people said that her case was different, but
neither one of them had any peace of mind after the marriage. Then, after many
years of marriage, she realized why God had not answered her. His Word condemned
divorce and remarriage and she had gone against God's Word.
Another objection may be: "Our church manual allows for
innocent party divorce and remarriage," or, "Our pastor said it's all right in
our situation." It doesn't matter what any manual or any pastor says--if it's
against God's Word then IT IS WRONG REGARDLESS of what ANYONE says.
For those who ask, "My husband left me. Now what do I do?,"
Paul has the answer. Turn to I Corinthians 7:10-13,15: "And the woman which hath
an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her
not leave him. . . . But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or
sister is not under bondage in such cases." Paul also says that if the husband
or wife does depart, he or she is to remain UNMARRIED: "And unto the married I
command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But
and if she depart, let her REMAIN UNMARRIED, or BE RECONCILED to her husband:
and let not the husband put away his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11).
God never intended for anyone to get a divorce and then
remarry. But what about those who did this in ignorance of God's law or in
rebellion against God and then ask for forgiveness? I know that it has been said
that these people can never get saved, but Paul states in I Corinthians 6:9-11:
"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not
deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate,
nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor
drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And
SUCH WERE SOME OF YOU: BUT ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are
justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God." There is
hope for those who have done wrong and "If we CONFESS our sins, He is faithful
and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I
John 1:9). While these people may be forgiven and cleansed from their sin and
wrongdoing, there are some consequences that will follow them. God does forgive
but He also tells us that those who have been divorced and remarried are not to
hold positions within the church. We find in I Timothy 3:12: "Let the deacons be
the husbands of ONE wife . . ." The Greek word for "deacon" means "teacher,
servant, or minister." The Greek word for "one" means "first" or "ONLY one." It
has been wrongly said that someone who has three living husbands only has one
husband--the rest are not legally binding. But this is not so, for we see that
Jesus told the Samaritan woman that she had had FIVE HUSBANDS and the man she
was then living with WAS NOT her husband (John 4:16-18). This woman was living
with a man to whom she was not married but Jesus knew that she had been married
FIVE times previously and He recognized this by saying that she had had FIVE
HUSBANDS. Jesus did not tell her that she had only one husband and that the
other men were not recognized as husbands. Jesus clearly stated that she did
have FIVE HUSBANDS acknowledging that this Samaritan woman had taken the vow to
all five men and that she was legally bound to all of these men by her vow.
Also, IF only the first husband would be recognized while all the others would
not, then Paul was wrong in stating that a deacon was only to have ONE wife
since all those after the first marriage would not be recognized and even though
a deacon had ten marriages only the first one was recognized (according to this
false philosophy).
Another thing to remember is that when a sinner makes a
contract for anything he is still held to that contract EVEN IF HE GETS SAVED
BEFORE THE CONTRACT IS FULFILLED (unless it is against God's Word). For
instance, let's say that a sinner signs a contract for someone to build his
house and while the house is being built he gets saved. He is still OBLIGATED to
go through with the contract. Likewise, marriage is a contract and even though a
person was unsaved when that contract was made does not make it valid for it to
be broken. Once again, God forgives the adulterers and adulteresses but He also
says that no one like this (even though forgiven) should be a deacon ("teachers"
"servants" etc.). God gives us clear instructions about this area.
You may ask: "If God forgives the adulterers and adulteresses
why can't they serve as leaders in the church?" All I know is that God said that
these people ARE NOT to be leaders. We cannot understand everything that God
says but we are nonetheless obligated to obey. I do know that Paul states in I
Corinthians 6:18: "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the
body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body." Here we
see that the sin of fornication is DIFFERENT from EVERY OTHER SIN, so perhaps
this is one reason why God forbids a divorced and remarried person to hold
leadership in the church. Another reason is that those who see a divorced and
remarried person taking charge may get the impression that the sin that they
have committed is not so bad after all. It may provide the "loophole" that some
young people are looking for and they will feel that should they decide to get
divorced and remarried that they, too, will be able to take a position in the
church.
"But," you may say, "that seems unfair. A person does wrong
and then they are penalized for the rest of their lives." Yes, but sin, many
times, carries a stiff penalty. What about the girl who falls for a man and
commits fornication with him one time and contacts a venereal disease? Does the
venereal disease leave when she becomes a Christian? No, but she will have to
live the rest of her life with this disease--all because of a night of sinful
pleasure. The story is told of a young man who lived a very sinful life before
becoming a Christian. He married and soon a baby was born to them. The baby,
however, was born blind due to a venereal disease. The man told the doctor that
God had forgiven him and that he was living a pure and clean life since becoming
a Christian. The doctor said that he did not doubt his testimony but his past
sin had been passed on to his innocent baby. Yes, God does forgive, but the
results of our past sins may go with us the rest of our lives. A young man may
be speeding along a highway for "pleasure" and have an accident that leaves him
paralyzed. Does becoming a Christian give him the use of his limbs back? No, the
result of his sin goes with him and so it is with those who get divorced and
remarried. There are penalties that follow a sinful life.
King David was a man after God's own heart (I Samuel 13:14;
Acts l3:22) but he committed adultery with Bathsheba (II Samuel 11:2-5). Because
of this sin a stiff penalty was pronounced upon David. God sent Nathan, the
prophet, to tell him: "Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine
house; because thou hast despised Me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the
Hittite to be thy wife. Thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will raise up evil
against thee out of thine own house . . . the child also that is born unto thee
shall surely die" (II Samuel 12:10-11,14). Here again we can see that the father
sinned and the innocent baby, as well as other members of David's household, had
to suffer the consequences. Yes, God forgave David's sin for we read: "The Lord
also hath put away thy sin" (II Samuel 12:13), but Nathan went on to tell David
that because of his sin he had "given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord
to blaspheme" (II Samuel 12:14). Yes, your sin can be forgiven by God but you
will have to live with the consequences of that sin and one of these
consequences is that you are not to be in leadership in the church according to
I Timothy 3:12.
I know this article will probably cause much controversy, but
let us forget what others may say and what preachers suppose because their
leaders have followed the teaching of Erasmus. After all, Erasmus only had a
theory which is less than 500 years old, but Jesus gave the truth. The fact
still remains that His Word is eternal and shall not pass away. We will not be
judged by another man's theory but by God's Word. It is high time to get back to
the teaching of Christ and begin to spare our young people and our churches.
Let's take on the challenge to uphold the Word of God and do as Paul tells Us:
"Preach the word: be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort
with all longsuffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not
endure sound doctrine; but AFTER THEIR OWN LUSTS shall they heap to themselves
teachers, having itching ears; And they SHALL TURN AWAY THEIR EARS FROM THE
TRUTH, and shall be turned unto fables" (II Timothy 4:2-4).
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